One thing I recognized very quickly at camp this summer is that I had been called to pastor/shepherd a team that was further along spiritually than I was. Therefore, I felt insanely overwhelmed to the task to which I had been called. As if that wasn't bad enough, I realized very quickly in the summer that the Lord had pretty fantastic plans to do work this summer, and I had been called to be a part of the proclamation of His truth during that process. My feelings of being overwhelmed grew rapidly. The reality set in that I was most assuredly a part of something that was so much bigger than myself. Now let me clarify that I never assumed this summer would be about me, that it would be easy, that it would be something that my team could just "make happen", but I did not fully recognize the task to which we had been called to walk worthy of. (never end a sentence with a preposition) I felt like a big turkey in a sea of people who were living their lives on purpose for the sake of something that was bigger than any of us could really grasp.
I was on my face before the Lord trying to fathom why I had been called to this task. Furthermore, I was trying to figure out what I had to even contribute to such a phenomenal team and overwhelming mission. The Lord showed Himself, and I recognized my humble role. And it scares me. What was my conclusion? Well honestly I'm still processing through that, but here's my start:
What if I am gifted to preach and teach? Oh my. The thought terrifies me. Seriously. But what if I really do have that gift? What if the Lord has gifted and wired me with the ability to communicate His Truth to His people? Oh boy. I thought from my first summer of being camp pastor (last summer) that everybody told the camp pastor that he was gifted at what he did in order to encourage and uplift him because those comments are very much encouraging and uplifting. This summer I had 4 weeks of adults that I had gotten the opportunity to work with before, as well as the 3 weeks of the ones I hadn't worked with before, that were still telling me the same thing. But this time they were telling me about the marked improvement displayed in my life/preaching, as well as the evidence of my being gifted with this "skill".
My role in the grand scheme of things, in the midst of something so much bigger than myself is to "be uniquely me". This summer that meant to preach with passion the very things I had spent time with the Lord wrestling over. Moreover, this could very well impact the rest of my life, as I continue to exercise this gift. Preaching/Teaching? The thought literally terrifies me. Here's what I know for certain:
I want to be a part of something so much bigger than myself that it can only be described and explained by God. I also know that requires sacrifice and walking worthy. So this summer (and still in process) I will make an effort to be uniquely me in my life, and do what He calls me to do, which could very well involve regular preaching and regular teaching. And I will trust the Lord to do the rest because you all know me...this could get scary! I'm thankful to be called a servant of the Most High God, and to bask in the love of Father, as He has poured it out on us. And I got much love for you...