Saturday, November 14, 2009

A Life's Secret

I am about to let you in on a little secret I've been keeping for some time. This secret comes about from my continuing to pursue the Lord and trying to figure out what His desire for my life is. If you let it get out...well, really nothing would happen. I spent some time in a special spot on campus with the Lord tonight. This is a secret that literally made a strange watery substance form in my eyes tonight (for the record, nothing came out of my eyeballs...just a moisture build up). This is a secret that I am really building up, but I really doubt you'll have much interest. Here it is:

I feel totally incapable of fulfilling the call the Lord has placed on my life. That's it. I feel like there are a bunch of people that I am aware of that would be way better at the call than me. I feel like I am not qualified. I feel like I do not deserve it. I feel incapable. Unworthy. Insufficient. Scared.

I have spent months praying for the Lord to give me a no in regards to pursuing this call. Don't get me wrong, what I believe the Lord is doing in my life, I am extremely passionate and excited about. However, I feel like there was no way that the Lord would be calling me in that direction. So like I said, I have been praying for the Lord to give me a no in response to this. I wasn't praying for His will, I was praying what I thought was His answer. I also tried to make sure He was sure, and He wasn't dialing the wrong line. Once I decided to start praying for the Lord to make clear His will, that's when He called this wannabe to follow the call that is specifically mine.

So what do I do with my feelings of inadequacy? My plan is to rest in the Lord's grace. 2 Corinthians 2:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I'm excited to see what the Lord is going to do with me. What's He doing in and with your life? I got much love for you...

Monday, November 9, 2009

Totally Free, Yet Wholly Surrendered

There's a line from a Matt Papa song, Open Hands, that has really been the focus of my thoughts today. Here's the whole chorus:

And I lift my hands open wide let the whole world sing
how You've loved, how You died, how you set me free!
Free at last I surrender all I am with open hands

The line that has really been resonating with me:

"Free at last I surrender all I am..."
Christ has freed me from the bondage of sin. First of all, that's ridiculously extravagant because I don't deserve freedom, but I've been granted it. Secondly, the very next few words: I surrender all I am. I think that's really cool. Christ has set me free. So what do I choose to do? Give up everything I am in order to help spread the fame of Christ. I have no greater delight than to have an opportunity to trade in the story of my life, which is finite and (as I'm sure you are aware) less than entertaining, in order that I can be a part of God's story! To me, freedom and surrender typically don't go together. But in relation to Christ's freeing me and my surrender to Him, there's nothing I'd rather do.

Christ gives me freedom, and my decision is to surrender my life to His mission because it is wholly worth it. I just thought that song lyric was cool. Maybe you will too. I got much love for you...

Thursday, November 5, 2009


Let me start by saying this is likely to be my only ever blog on Leviticus. Cherish it.

I just finished up painfully reading through Leviticus. I say painfully because reading a rules and regulations book is not my thing, and Leviticus certainly has a few rules and regs. However, I am thankful for the Lord's leading me through it. I'm also thankful that I'm done reading through it, for now.

Here's what struck me in reading through Leviticus (don't expect anything profound...I'm a simple mind, remember?). As I read through this book and all of what the Lord expected from the Israelites, I was overwhelmed at the Lord's pursuit of a relationship with these people! How did I get that from a book talking about how to offer a burnt offering or how long someone was supposed to be unclean? This is my non-earth shattering answer: the Lord was putting these very rules and regs in place in order that the people would pursue a holy lifestyle. Why were they to pursue a holy lifestyle? Because the Lord their God is/was holy and He desperately wanted to be in relationship with them!

God was informing them of the level of commitment they needed to put forth in order that He could continue to relate to them. He is desperately pursuing a love relationship with these people. That's crazy love! If you'll recall, the Lord is demonstrating this crazy love for a group of people that are TERRIBLE at that kind of crazy love back for Him! As I read through this book, I was reminded of how great is the love of our God. I was humbled by this love. This love continues to seize me.

Not going to lie, I'm thankful that I'm through Leviticus. I'm also thankful for the Lord's love in my life.

Thanks for the overwhelming response to my last post. And by overwhelming response, I mean no response. Thank you. I got much love for you anyway.

Monday, November 2, 2009

My Personality

So I am continually trying to figure out who I am and who the Lord has shaped and is shaping me to be. I found a personality test that I believe I studied in undergrad as a Psych major, but in getting the results this time, they piqued my interest. So I'm going to post the description of my personality, the ENFJ or the Idealist Portrait of the Teacher. I would LOVE if you would give me your input on what you think about the findings...agree or disagree?

Idealist Portrait of the Teacher (ENFJ)

Even more than the other Idealists, Teachers have a natural talent for leading students or trainees toward learning, or as Idealists like to think of it, they are capable of calling forth each learner's potentials. Teachers (around two percent of the population) are able - effortlessly, it seems, and almost endlessly-to dream up fascinating learning activities for their students to engage in. In some Teachers, this ability to fire the imagination can amount to a kind of genius which other types find hard to emulate. But perhaps their greatest strength lies in their belief in their students. Teachers look for the best in their students, and communicate clearly that each one has untold potential, and this confidence can inspire their students to grow and develop more than they ever thought possible.

In whatever field they choose, Teachers consider people their highest priority, and they instinctively communicate personal concern and a willingness to become involved. Warmly outgoing, and perhaps the most expressive of all the types, Teachers are remarkably good with language, especially when communicating in speech, face to face. And they do not hesitate to speak out and let their feelings be known. Bubbling with enthusiasm, Teachers will voice their passions with dramatic flourish, and can, with practice, become charismatic public speakers. This verbal ability gives Teachers a good deal of influence in groups, and they are often asked to take a leadership role.

Teachers like things settled and organized, and will schedule their work hours and social engagements well ahead of time-and they are absolutely trustworthy in honoring these commitments. Valuing as they do interpersonal cooperation and harmonious relations, Teachers are extraordinarily tolerant of others, are easy to get along with, and are usually popular wherever they are.

Teachers are highly sensitive to others, which is to say their intuition tends to be well developed. Certainly their insight into themselves and others is unparalleled. Without a doubt, they know what is going on inside themselves, and they can read other people with uncanny accuracy. Teachers also identify with others quite easily, and will actually find themselves picking up the characteristics, emotions, and beliefs of those around them. Because they slip almost unconsciously into other people's skin in this way, Teachers feel closely connected with those around them, and thus show a sincere interest in the joys and problems of their employees, colleagues, students, clients, and loved ones.

Famous ENFJs: Mikhail Gorbachev, Oprah Winfrey, Pope John Paul II, Ralph Nader, John Wooden, and Margaret Mead are examples of Teacher Idealists.

Let me know your thoughts. I got much love for you...