I Set Myself on Fire

Many of you may be reading this post to see exactly what I meant by saying that I set myself on fire. You're probably thinking it is some sort of ridiculous gimmick to get you to read this post, which is partially true. I thought about naming this post "Tyler's Day in Bizarre-O World". Obviously, however, I went the "setting myself on fire" route. Before you stop reading this post, let me go ahead and inform you that this is not a typical day in my life...but it sure makes a good read now that it's over. Here's how the day went:

Yesterday I got to sleep in late before having to go to work. I went to work about 1:30p, to dominate my shift and shut the store down at 5:30p. About midway through the shift, I was checking out a lady, who, before the craziness she created, was strange enough in and of herself. Anyway, she approached my register ready to check out. As I was ringing her up, she started into these bizarre coughs. I though she was about to hock up a major wad of snot. She was bent over and really getting into these coughs. My co-worker/friend Meagan, handed her a trash can to assist with the ejection of said snot. What happened next caught me off guard. She began throwing up into the trash can...in my checkout line...with a checkout line on either side of her (for the record: the people in the other lines acted like business as usual and didn't even think twice about the woman puking in the middle of the store). It was disgusting. After she hurled a few times, the exact number escapes me, she handed the trash can back to me. I asked if she was alright. Her response was something to the effect of something had upset her stomach. Her next question added to the strangeness of the already unusual day. She looked at me with intent focus and desire and said, "Can I have an application?" I was shocked. I've never had a day like that one at LifeWay.

After those events, I decided that I need an awesome dinner because of the crazy day. These types of days are rare, so I decided to go all out with it. I went to The Melting Pot. Expensive and amazing. This was the sight of the next event of the Bizzare-O Day. We were to the main course of the meal, and I decided to drop in a peace of broccoli to cook in between some of the meats I was fonduing. I went to fish the peace of broccoli out with the spoon and  set it on my plate. In setting the broccoli on my plate, I burnt my arm. I was thinking about how hot it was when it dawned on me: my arm is not touching the broccoli, so why would the broccoli be burning my arm? I looked down to inspect my arm, and lo and behold there was in fact a massive flame that was engulfing my arm.

This moment in my life was one of those times in life where everything seems to go in slow motion. I had a million brief thoughts go through my brain: this is really hot...how did my shirt catch on fire...this is hot....was it the broccoli that caused this...this is hot...did the fondue pot set me on fire...this is hot....i need to put this out somehow....this is hot...this will make a great story...this is hot...this shirt is ruined...this is hot...how many people will have a story like this...this is hot...PUT OUT YOUR FLAMING ARM!! So I patted out the fire. It was hot, but I didn't get burned badly...just pinked. As my arm smoked and smoldered, I realized that what must have happened was a bad approach to fishing out the broccoli. Let me make clear that I have no idea what happened, but I do have a best guess: In fishing out the broccoli, I must have dangled my arm over the flame of the table's candle, which consequently lit my shirt on fire.

Just so you all know, I did continue on with a delicious meal. The story gives me a great laugh every time I think about it. This shirt didn't survive the fire. It was burnt enough that I threw it away as soon as I got home. Well that's all I've got for now. I hope this finds you well.

Much love...